Rindu yang Karam

Rindu itu ingatan. Mereka punya cara kerja yang menyiksa dan kejam.

Mau aku ceritakan perihal kengeriannya?

Sejak malam!. Gulita akan memelihara dan merawat seluruh gemuruh dendam terhadap pertemuan. Jelaga di langit mendekapmu erat, hingga tak ada ‘temu’ berbaik hati menolongmu. Menampung semua kesepian yang menyergap tubuhmu. Kau tidak bisa berharap banyak kepada mimpi, karena itu dimensi tempat risau menepi, hanya sejenak.

Lalu kau terbangun di pagi hari, kau pikir telah menuntaskannya. Padahal ia telah menjelma, menjadi embun-embun kecil, tergelincir membasahi kaca jendela di hatimu. Sangat sementara.

Lalu kau berharap lagi di siang yang terik. Hingga terheran-terheran. Ternyata saat itu tak lebih dari neraka jahanam yang membakar semua kuntum rasa yang baru saja merekah tadi pagi.

Hingga senja datang. Namun yang tersisa hanya letih. Nanar memelototi matahari lingsir begitu saja sambil berharap-harap cemas andaikata garis cakrawala menuntunmu menuju peluknya. Kau ulangi fase itu untuk ribuan detik jam esoknya.

Denyut di nadimu dan degup di balik dadamu, terasa semakin sakit jutaan kali lipat. Kau tidak akan pernah baik-baik saja! Tawa dan tangisnya sudah terlanjur melengket di gendang telingamu. Kau tidak memiliki apa-apa lagi kecuali ingatan yang melengkung di dalam kepala.

Dan pada akhirnya, kesakitan pula mendewasakanmu. Memaksamu berdamai dengan jiwa yang kepala batu terhadap perjumpaan.

Seperti halnya anak manusia yang telah beranjak mandiri. Begitulah rindu, memiliki perangai sendiri untuk memilih dan bertindak. Dan rindu tak pernah enggan memilih jalan ketabahan.

Kau harus camkan. Separah apapun rindu mencabik ulu hatimu nanti, tetap saja ada nilai-nilai yang tak boleh koyak; cinta dan kasih sayang.

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